Our Shadow

This is something close to my heart… I wonder why the same pathways are walked blindly by most of us and as we point fingers at all manner of things outside ourselves, often the heart of it lies within… hidden with momentary glimpses on this dark and unwanted part of ourselves… the truth is much more hearty and robust… when we open the door and let the sunlight in and begin to own all that we don’t want to, all that makes us feel uncomfortable and often all that makes us feel overwhelmingly sad.. then we have the opportunity to become healthier and more content with our lives… this morning I felt gripped by my shadow side and sweating during my yoga class I began to feel more welcoming of this darker part of me… for all of us, this week heralds a full moon in Scorpio which is directly opposite to the sun’s position in Taurus… an opportunity to reflect on our shadow and maybe allow a chink of light to cast its disinfectant – we need to embrace the polarities of both our light and shadow…


Does this mean I am officially once again a Capetonian… my entire world is based on the weather and what it is doing to the mountain today and whether the wind will drop or the clouds will lift or the balmy day will stay as angelic… A gale force wind battered us on the weekend in Rooi Els… but there is still nothing more fabulous than sitting in the sunroom gazing across False Bay at the outline of the Peninsula etched in pink and purple with the setting sun… and today after waking to a magnificent-Table-Mountain-cablecar-see-the-whole-city day… it bizarrely changed just as we drove to the cable car station… this astonishing fog rolled off the Atlantic… not down the mountain as it usually does but sort of across the whole city… and so instead we spent a magical day in Kirstenbosch protected from the fog… and it was quieter, gentler and more evocative of many moons ago… I sat at Lady Anne Barnard’s bath and remembered how excited I was as a child to stumble on this green, cool spot in the gardens… Strange to be a visitor with a long history but nonetheless a blessed and infinitely grateful visitor…

Something reassuring

Probably the thing I missed most when I left South Africa was the pungent smell of the Atlantic… the Pacific always feels gentler and never gives up an ocean smell and I long for that even 20 years later – there is nothing more evocative for me than the smell of the seaweed and the icy waters – it is so beautifully affirming of my childhood memories… At night I can hear the foghorn when the mist rolls in from the cold current… and well before the day loses its heat and sun you smell the Atlantic and know that in the morning you will wake to a grey and misty day…

A new rhythm

I realise how for most of us our days are extraordinarily busy and filled with noise and activity and an expected daily rhythm… so it is a peculiar process to just be and allow a different rhythm to emerge… and I have to catch myself worrying about my future and my professional life so that the time here doesn’t dissipate… my drama queen wants to come out and play often… I have to keep her and her tiara in check… And then as if to pacify me there is the view from my desk… one side is Table Mountain and the other Lion’s Head… I had coffee with an ex-work colleague from Joburg yesterday who took one look at me and proclaimed… “You can take the girl out of Cape Town but you can’t take CT out of the girl”… I think this meant I am looking like an ageing hippy in just 10 days!

2000 metres

Finally after a week of icy Atlantic Cape Town weather… we’ve emerged to two perfect blisteringly beautiful days… It is so difficult to explain to those that haven’t been to Cape Town about how tremulously beautiful Table Mountain and her sister mountains are… and how in your face this 2000m being is.. and yesterday I went up the mountain and for the first time in my life I walked the length of Table Mountain and so gazed at the peninsula with totally different eyes and one of my companions said that it’s really a metaphor for gaining a different perspective on one’s life and being able to look at it from a different vantage point. And I suppose in a way my time here is part of me having a detached view to see not only what lies behind me and before me but also importantly being present to this fleeting moment… and I think for all of us this fleeting moment is sometimes overlooked and we focus on what was and what might have been or we long for a future of possibility and really it is about our point of presence in this moment… don’t worry I am still wrestling with how my professional life will look in the not-to-distant future 🙂

A whimsical moment

Part of my birthday was spent at Muizenberg in the Cape rain… to watch my buddy’s son learn to surf… I had such a powerful sense of where I spent my summers as a child… swimming in the Indian ocean with my dad and pleading with him to take me out where I couldn’t stand… I feel a bit like that now – without the comfort of a job or my life in Oz… a bit like I am out where I can’t stand and the sense of the unknown and a strange mix of excitement and fear… and returning to change in our bathing box with sand on my feet and hating that feeling of wet sand when I walk … and wishing we could stay longer… and my father ever-vigilant against the South-Easter always wanting to leave in the early afternoon before the wind came up… and memories of gobbling sandwiches from my uncle’s parked car … these beautifully created crustless sandwiches – I loved the egg mayonnaise 🙂 … So yesterday with my childhood buddy in the rainy Cape I felt some old memories stir… it seemed fitting to have a whimsical moment for a birthday in my birthtown…

On my way

On my way to Cape Town this afternoon… it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t a little fearful… as some wise person once told me – Fear is an acronym for Feeling Excited and Ready… So as I get ready to leave the comfortable, familiar Joburg nest of my best buddy since kindergarten and spread my tentative wings to Cape Town, I wonder 🙂